Happy Times

hpim1871I don’t know what it is about a sexy LBD (little black dress), heels, and fun jewelry … but this weekend I felt good in my own skin. Confident, even.

It doesn’t happen often, but I know that when it does, I ought to embrace it and capitalize on it. I haven’t weighed myself in a really long time, but I don’t really care to, either — especially with my monthly guest, which arrived Monday.

The thing is, I shouldn’t necessarily need a fancy dress or an occasion to spark confidence. That magic can stick in my daily life, if I listen to my body and remember how good it feels to feel good and obey my hunger queues, obey my body’s limits, obey my cravings.

This isn’t all-or-nothing thinking, but rather … intuitive thinking. It’s not berating myself, but rather taking pride in my decisions and choices.

Now that I’ve been taking better care of my body in terms of exercise (much less obsessive cardio, more variety, since adding in Shredding and P90X) all I need to work on is eating cleaner and engaging in less emotional/mindless eating — which is only counter-productive to all the good I’m doing for my body with my new workout regimen.hpim1890

I feel like I’m at a real crossroads here in terms of body acceptance. I don’t really care so much about the number on my scale or on the inside of my jeans … it’s an indicator.

I realize I go through this every so often, and I realize I might sound like a broken record to some, but this is real, this is my reality. And it’s nice to have it be a part of me … instead of ALL of me.

If I can be free of disordered eating issues and feel good about my body and stay where I am without a ton of effort or obsession, I think I’ll be in good shape (mentally and emotionally and physically) for the next big step in my life … which is most likely starting our family.

Happy times are ahead, and wasting hours and minutes dwelling on my shortfalls solves nothing. Time to take those weeds by the roots and rip ’em from the ground!

How about you? When do you feel your best? Is it after working out? After handing in a project you’re proud of? Is it fitting into a new size of jeans? Is it eating a piece of carrot cake and not feeling guilty about it?


13 thoughts on “Happy Times

  1. You look beautiful and I’m so glad you felt it, too! Can we just talk about your hair?! It’s totally gorgeous.
    I’m getting there with body acceptance. I am still weighing in regularly (daily?) but I’ve been doing well and not counting calolries or weighing my food. It’s a slow process to break those habits. I will be very proud when I can maintain my happy weight without the help of all these gizmos!

  2. Beautiful pictures!! I’m so glad you felt happy and confident this weekend, and that you are discovering that you can feel this way all the time!

    I love the idea of “intuitive thinking,” that makes sooo much sense to me! I need to work on that as well, I tend to have an all or nothing mindset in almost all areas of my life, and I’ve seen the negative effects it has. Thank you for this thoughtful post!

  3. Hoooray for you!

    I feel like I am also at a crossroads in my recovery. I am still weighing everyday but I am learning to not let the number impact my mood as much. My RD has been very helpful in this process. I hope to leave the scale behind at some point and I know that with time, I will get there.

  4. I second Lara – love your hair! πŸ™‚ Great pictures – you two look so happy together.

    I think for me, I feel best when I am taking care of my body and can indulge in treats without the guilt. I can do this okay sometimes on the days of my long runs, but why not enjoy a cookie on a day when I am not working out? I really want to start to be okay with that.

  5. You look beautiful! I seem to flip flop back and forth a lot. One week/day/minute I feel good about myself even though I am not at my desired weight and then next moment feel that angst about not being at my desired weight. I am not that far–only 5-7 lbs but I am short so those lbs make a big difference on me.

    Fitting into smaller clothes is definitely what makes me happy. I know that the scale can be flukey for so many reasons but pants don’t lie! I weigh only 1-2 x/week and have gotten to a place where I don’t let that number affect me, providing my pants fit fine. I also can splurge and not feel guilty about what I eat. The only time I feel guilty is if I have really overaten to the point of discomfort or mindless/emotional eating which since I started tackingling those issues last October I have only done once or twice. That makes me feel very happy and proud.

  6. FIrst, beautiful photos! You look GREAT!!

    I flip flop in regards to how I feel about my body as well.

    I’m certain the key for me is my running. When I run, I feel so GOOD! (well, when I am done, of course) So powerful and in love with my body–like my body is the most wonderful thing! (Aren’t my legs great? My butt tight? Even my HAIR looks divine–hahah) I don’t even care what the scale says or worry too much about what I eat. Even if my clothes are a bit tight I’m OK with it because, hey, I just ran hard!

    But sometimes I think I should weigh 10 lbs. less, wear a smaller size BECAUSE I run, because I work so hard at making sure I do this one thing for myself most days.

    It’s a balance, for sure. Depends on the day. I didn’t run yesterday so I’m feeling off. Today I need to run–if only to get the body-loving endorphins back up!

    Melissa (in DC)

  7. You look beautiful and ravenous!!! I am so glad you felt comfotable and confident because you should be.

    I think I feel my best with my boyfriend. He always just makes me feel special. And I hate that I depend on him to make me feel better about myself… but there are few other things right now that makes me feel good about me.

  8. You look really beautiful, elegant, and happy in your photos. I feel my best when everything is in balance. It sounds so obvious, but it’s always worth reminding myself of it. It’s when I’m keeping up with a moderate amount of exercise. When I’m eating cleanly. When I make a point to see friends. When all three of these things meet, that’s especially when I feel my best. A healthy brunch with girlfriends followed by a rejuvenating hike, that’s real peace to me.

  9. Hi ladies, I was at a photo shoot for work all day and couldn’t get online til now.

    Lara thanks so much!! πŸ™‚ Good for you not counting every little thing!! It is a slow process to break for sure! Trust is the hardest thing! (Tomorrow’s post!)

    Thanks Jenn! It is such a nice feeling. Yes, intuitive thinking πŸ™‚

    Thanks Beadie!! Adios, scale πŸ™‚ It’s hard b/c it DOES still impact me, which is why I’ve been avoiding it personally. I’d rather feel good without it as a justification.

    Thanks, Holly!! (A lot of thanks in this post, yikes!) YES, indulging without guilt = true happiness/acceptance.

    Thanks, Lara!!! Like you, I flip back and forth and I think most women do; it’s our nature! Congrats on truly beating emotional eating; that is AWESOME!

    Thanks, Melissa!! Love your name πŸ™‚ I feel good when I lift; so I can relate. Balance and body love- amen!

    Aw thanks Sheena! And if your BF can be that boost of confidence you need right now, so be it — you’re on your way there to all-around confidence; it doesn’t happen overnight.

    Thanks, Leah!! I think you’re totally right, it sounds SO obvious but it’s true; balance really IS key. Friends and exercise and clean eats all help make that a reality.

  10. more on the flip/floppnig–I have been feeling much better about my body lately. I have been working hard at losing weight the last 6 months and have been losing slowly but consistenly. Then yesterday I see some pictures of me from just last week and I just wanted to cry. I looked so big. Much bigger than what I see in the mirror so what do I trust? I know From having an ED years ago where I was 89 lbs and thought I just looked “average thin” (and now seeing pictures I see I looked scary thin) I know my eyes are not a very objective source. But seeing those pics sent my mind into a tailspin of how I MUST not stop here and lose those 5-7 lbs moer to get to my mind’s ideal weight (which is still a very healthy wieight just towards the lower end of my range)

  11. Lara, I am sure you look stunning and it’s just hard to see ourselves as we are, I think that comes with the territory. But I can assure you, no matter what, you are much healthier now than at a scary 89 lbs!! I love that exercise in the THIN movie where they ask one of the characters to draw herself as she sees herself. And then the therapist traces her real figure and it’s scary how opposite her view of herself was. It’s hard to change the mindset, even when the physical changes are evident and part of our routine life … this is one of the biggest struggles, something so infrequently talked about … hence, my blog πŸ™‚ I offer no answers, since I struggle myself … but we can get a dialogue going, for sure.

  12. I did that tracing exercise when I was going through therapy for my ED and while not as dramatic as in THIN there was definitely a big difference between reality and my perception. I really know how our minds can see our bodies in such distorted ways. And I know camera angles and such can also make us look bigger (or smaller) so even pictures are hard to go by. What does help me is fitting into certain pants. Just looking at the size of the pants (physical size, not number on the label size) shows me I am not the “big” person I see in pictures or in the mirror at times. Of course the main point is we need to love ourselves at any size providing we are healthy.

  13. That’s good that you were able to see the difference, Lara. but you’re right too — our minds can see things different ways. I know too how the camera can make a someone look big from the wrong angle or make someone look slim. Why do you think everyone poses with their hands on their hip, tilted to the side? I do it myself! It’s a flattering angle. πŸ™‚ YES — love ourselves, at any size. And be as healthy as we can be.

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