Right Here, Right Now

untitledYou know how sometimes they say what you want is right in front of you, and has been there all along?

Well, it hit me this week that I’m blessed and I’ve got everything I could want right now in life.

And instead of dwelling on something harmful, I’d rather focus on the good.

In spite of tough economic times and hardships all around, I feel seriously blessed.

I have a beautiful family, amazing friends, the most incredible husband, a house we own with a beautiful creek in the backyard (and a new stove coming next week!), a fantastic and fulfilling job and career in PR, a car I own, education/degrees that can never be taken away, travel experience I wouldn’t trade for anything, my health and fitness, and sometime in 2010, maybe even a little one (we’ll see!)

Things really are amazing, and they’re right in front of me. Why is it so hard for me to see it, when everyone else can?!

I wish I knew. Perfect Girl syndrome tends to rear its ugly head, but right here, right now, I’m shoving her away. There’s just no room for her at this table.

I’ve been known to make mountains out of molehills, to quote my dad, all my life. I often lived in a world of exaggerations and/or extremes.

If my long-term crush in high school didn’t look back at me when I was thinking about him, it meant of course he didn’t like me. (Um … how could he have known when I was so shy around him or clammed up around him all those years?!)

If I didn’t feel like I aced my AP English midterm, it meant I was surely destined to fail the class. (I never did fail).

I realize these two examples are really just the manifestation of perfectionist tendencies, inherent to my character.

But in working with my hardware, versus against it, I can really drill down into the positives of my life, and there are so many.

I think in some ways, maybe I created my own issue surrounding food?!

I realize how crazy that sounds, and I don’t mean I intentionally set out to find a problem … I am not sure if that will make sense to anyone else, but it’s like, I’ve always had such happiness and good things in my life, and this was my Achille’s heel.

It was almost a self-fulfilling prophecy …

After school, grad school, life was bumbling alone and then I decided to lose weight and was good at that, too. It’s when I got obsessed with my body, my size, that things turned downhill. With my then-boyfriend (now-husband) overseas I needed “something” to obsess about. So I became fixated on weight.

And now, I’m realizing, hey, I don’t necessarily need to have an Achille’s heel to be a good person, an honest person. Not everyone’s life needs to read like a novel or a soap opera.

I don\t need to let disordered eating issues rule my life, or my thoughts, or anything else. I can, really just “be.”

It was quite the epiphany! I don’t need to make a mountain out of a molehill obsesing over my body, my weight.

Right here, right now, I have so much to be grateful, thankful, happy for. So, in the words of the Ting-Tings:

Self, “Shut up and let me go!”

How about you? What is in front of you at this moment that you might be missing out on “seeing”?

5 thoughts on “Right Here, Right Now

  1. Since your blog is so pro-honesty, I’ll write something very honest and see how you and your friends react – I’ve been thinking this for awhile about you, and at times I feel the same way. I feel like my life is so close to perfect that I cling to what’s not right about it in order to make myself feel as though I can be taken more seriously. The way I see it, everyone I know has something to struggle with – a bad job, the loss of a parent, poor relations with family members, a rough childhood, illness – but I’ve never actually had to face any of that myself. So I fixate on the two things that aren’t perfect in my life – my weight and lack of a relationship – to give myself some attention, and to try to get attention from others. For years and years and years I’d always spend time worrying about my friends, and I feel like by making a huge issues out of my weight and not having a boyfriend, finally people can start worrying about me and taking me seriously.

    I feel as though we’re so similar in our cheerful, optimistic personalities (which are genuine) that sometimes we just want to yell out to the world that not everything is as perfect as it may seem!

  2. Hey dude 🙂 I really, really think you’ve hit the nail on the head here.

    “I feel as though we’re so similar in our cheerful, optimistic personalities (which are genuine) that sometimes we just want to yell out to the world that not everything is as perfect as it may seem!” — AMEN! I didn’t realize it, but yes, I think you’re very on to something. I’m curious as to what others think.

  3. Amen, M. I love this post!

    I’ve come to similar realizations. I would like to lose 5 lbs – and it’s hard as I already eat fairly clean, exercise regularly, and stay active.

    That being said, I have really tried to start living in “my now” – i.e. the present. Today I have my health, my amazing stamina, my exciting future ahead (Grad school!), and a great network or people in my life. I have come SO far in these years since college and can’t ever forget my progress that keeps escalating every day. Time to start appreciating things!

  4. Wow. I needed to read that today. I often feel the same. I swear some of your entries sound like they could come from me! It’s freaky! Thanks for writing things I need to say! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s