Well, it hit me this week that I’m blessed and I’ve got everything I could want right now in life.
And instead of dwelling on something harmful, I’d rather focus on the good.
In spite of tough economic times and hardships all around, I feel seriously blessed.
I have a beautiful family, amazing friends, the most incredible husband, a house we own with a beautiful creek in the backyard (and a new stove coming next week!), a fantastic and fulfilling job and career in PR, a car I own, education/degrees that can never be taken away, travel experience I wouldn’t trade for anything, my health and fitness, and sometime in 2010, maybe even a little one (we’ll see!)
Things really are amazing, and they’re right in front of me. Why is it so hard for me to see it, when everyone else can?!
I wish I knew. Perfect Girl syndrome tends to rear its ugly head, but right here, right now, I’m shoving her away. There’s just no room for her at this table.
I’ve been known to make mountains out of molehills, to quote my dad, all my life. I often lived in a world of exaggerations and/or extremes.
If my long-term crush in high school didn’t look back at me when I was thinking about him, it meant of course he didn’t like me. (Um … how could he have known when I was so shy around him or clammed up around him all those years?!)
If I didn’t feel like I aced my AP English midterm, it meant I was surely destined to fail the class. (I never did fail).
I realize these two examples are really just the manifestation of perfectionist tendencies, inherent to my character.
But in working with my hardware, versus against it, I can really drill down into the positives of my life, and there are so many.
I think in some ways, maybe I created my own issue surrounding food?!
I realize how crazy that sounds, and I don’t mean I intentionally set out to find a problem … I am not sure if that will make sense to anyone else, but it’s like, I’ve always had such happiness and good things in my life, and this was my Achille’s heel.
It was almost a self-fulfilling prophecy …
After school, grad school, life was bumbling alone and then I decided to lose weight and was good at that, too. It’s when I got obsessed with my body, my size, that things turned downhill. With my then-boyfriend (now-husband) overseas I needed “something” to obsess about. So I became fixated on weight.
And now, I’m realizing, hey, I don’t necessarily need to have an Achille’s heel to be a good person, an honest person. Not everyone’s life needs to read like a novel or a soap opera.
I don\t need to let disordered eating issues rule my life, or my thoughts, or anything else. I can, really just “be.”
It was quite the epiphany! I don’t need to make a mountain out of a molehill obsesing over my body, my weight.
Right here, right now, I have so much to be grateful, thankful, happy for. So, in the words of the Ting-Tings:
Self, “Shut up and let me go!”
How about you? What is in front of you at this moment that you might be missing out on “seeing”?