Which is why my disordered eating behavior baffled me so much, yet at the same time, made so much sense: it was my rebellion, my way to act out … but it was against myself.
Note I am using past tense? I don’t mean to imply I’m out of the woods; just that it’s been over seven weeks now without a chew/spit incident and I am really proud of it. I plan to keep it up.
Anyway, I told you a few weeks ago that I got pulled over and had gotten a speeding ticket on April Fool’s Day. It was a good reminder to me to “slow it down,” for sure.
But still, it killed me to get in trouble with the law. And so in hopes of not having a ticket on my record, I decided to try to contest the ticket.
Truthfully, I was hoping for the officer not to show. I mean, I knew I’d been going faster than I’d thought, but I was hoping to explain my way out of it … and I knew if he didn’t show, the infraction would be waived and my record would remain clean.
Well, yesterday was my court date.
The officer showed (not in uniform, but rather in plain-clothes), spoke, and I lost. Fortunately, my husband was there to calm me before-hand and to keep me company (otherwise, I seriously might have cried!) but I still didn’t like losing.
The thing is, I was wrong, and so the punishment (fine/points on my license) are a good lesson for me about being more aware when I’m driving … when I’m doing anything, really.
It’s true, we can’t win ’em all. And though I didn’t beat this speeding ticket, I do feel like I’m making progress each day on my winding path of recovery. I’m working at my own pace, and I think that is helping keep me in line.
I want this, and I’m fighting for it. Today I had a brief moment where I considered chewing and spitting (after my hearing) but I remembered how awful I’d feel afterwards, and ended up nixing the thought before it became an action.
One day at a time …