Journaling everything, but not denying myself anything, really.
Which can be both positive and negative, depending on the situation.
The thing is, I’ve been an insatiable beast, and my period is over a week away!
My self-analysis says that I stopped the chewing/spitting, but am still buying some triggers … perhaps to test myself? The thing is, I don’t NEED any of it; I just WANT it.
So the next step is a logical one, don’t test yourself, don’t buy the triggers.
Yet you should have seen the chocolate in my cart at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s (dark chocolate covered raisins, organic dark chocolate chips, a homemade peppermint patty, Luna bars (white chocolate macadamia) and a hunk of homemade white chocolate/Oreo bark.
My friend and I laughed about it then (it was kind of funny to see canned tomatoes, Chobani yogurts and then what seemed like a lot of sweets) but it’s like I was on a chocolate bender or something.
I guess the thing is, I only get out to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s when in Ann Arbor these days, so it’s not like I can get these exact goodies elsewhere, but still … I kinda went nuts for chocolate!
I have the raisins and chocolate chips at home to eat in moderation (hubby doesn’t like either).
But I had to toss the patty and bark after a couple bites of each. Why? Easy. I didn’t want to get the notion to chew/spit … so it was better just to not have them home at all.
Then yesterday, (what was I thinking!?), I bought both white and fudge Reese’s PB eggs at Target, and took a litle nibble out of several eggs before chucking them entirely. A total waste of money, and calories, too.
All of which brought me to the realization that I am buying foods I NEVER bought when I was in losing mode five years ago. Foods I shunned.
And since I’m coming up to my five-year WW anniversary (April 13) I thought now is as good a time as any to can the mindless buying.
It’s one thing to enjoy chocolate … to savor it. I’m ok with that, in moderation.
But to stockpile it like I will never have it again? Not necessary, and not healthy.
I mean, yes, it’s good I’m not chewing and spitting it. But I didn’t need to buy these sweets, either. I don’t need the sugar or saturated fat, especially when it means I might cut back elsewhere in my day to compensate (which is “restriction” of its own kind).
Moreover, I’m lifting to transform my body, so putting refined sugar into it just isn’t helping me any — it just works against it. Like Newton’s Third Law of Motion says, “For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.” I don’t want equlibrium; I want to see pleasant results, a better physique (sans obsession).
So today, I’m making yet another pledge. I’m going to fuel my body kinder. I am not going to buy said triggers … it’s a waste of money and right now I need to concentrate on clean eating, not giving in to every craving in the book.
I need to remind myself of “food as fuel,” when cravings strike. Especially if I just gave in to a craving the previous day. Moderation, Melissa, moderation …
Times like this, I deflect back to Dr. Beck’s “resistance muscle” analogy I talked about this summer.
I need to be flexing it, baby! Practicing “No Choice.” No more all or nothing … just balance.
How about you? Is there a particular food that you crave? Salty or sweet? Do you give in to your resistance muscle, or flex it?