Weight Loss 2.0

Joe's Jeans (Rocker cut) I have, but want in a darker wash, like this
Joe's Jeans (Rocker cut) I have, but want in a darker wash, like this
Winter’s on its way, and my clothes are a little snug and not looking as great as they could lately …

Clothes-shopping this weekend was tough. Fun with my friends, of course, but though I found some cute tops, the extra weight (ok, inch) I’m carrying on my hips at the moment made it hard for me to be excited about trying on jeans; they didn’t lay right.

As luck would have it, the Joe’s jeans I really wanted, they didn’t have in the right color (though the size fit — they were too light; I am on the hunt for a darker pair).

Naturally, trying on unflattering clothes make me feel bad about my figure, even though rationally I know I shouldn’t be obsessed with my body or my weight.But hell, I’ve already admitted to you all here that I’ve not been loving how I feel in my own skin lately, vanity aside.

Sometimes these feelings just won’t go away.

So this weekend, I had the realization that I do need to cut back a little if I want to re-reach my happy, healthy goal weight.

Not through obsessively working out like in the past, not obsessively cutting calories or carbs like many people end up doing for a quick fix (I don’t believe in quick fixes when it comes to weight). Rather, I hope to do it using the tools I already have plus a little extra diligence.

I do know what works: I need to follow Weight Watchers without eating my Activity Points to get back to 145, my happy-healthy-maintainable goal weight. At my heaviest, I could eat them and lose, but I simply can’t anymore.

So here it is, I’m laying it out on the proverbial table. As of this weekend, I’m about 8 pounds above my (re)goal of 145. Yup, I admitted it, I put it out there. A number. Just a number. Not my self-worth, not my dignity. A number. A number that, rationally, could change tomorrow based on the amount of sodium I consume or the amount of liquid in my body.

In spite of my weight, I still wear 6s and 8s. My tops are still smalls and mediums. I’m not fat, I’m not even overweight for my height or build, and no one but me can probably see the weight (my husband thinks I look beautiful as I am; I don’t think he’d notice any pounds — but I do).

I think in some ways I’m lucky; though I had never been thin or even “normal” before Weight Watchers — I just joined and it worked like a glove; 35 lbs. came off in 8 months. It was my first — and only — attempt at losing weight. I never yo-yoed, I never crash-dieted.

But now, 4.5 years later, I have been fluctuating between 148-153 for two years now and struggling to get back to 145. Yet my comfy weight for my body is 143- 145, where I was the two years prior. So 145ish is good for me (I’m not tossing out an arbitrary number; I know this because it’s where I maintained originally after not being able to stay in the low 140s.)

I’m four years older now, but I know in my heart it’s a perfectly rational, reasonable goal, and that I’ve been coasting for the past few years without much effort to lose this weight again, just half-assed attempts. Still journaling, still working out, but not with the same gusto.

(And I don’t want to go down the OCD track — so this blog is not going to turn into a weight-loss blog; I just wanted to let you all know where I am standing these days and why it’s bothering me.)

The thing is, I know that those few pounds actually will make a difference in how my clothes fit, so it’s important to me from that stand-point. I still want another pair of Joe’s and hey, if it takes an incentive to do it … so be it. It’ll be all the more sweeter if I “earn” them (the way I “earned” my Citizens December 2004, my first pair of high-end jeans).

So here’s my promise: I’m giving myself til the end of the year to attempt to get back below 150, and then will give up the race by March if I can’t get back to goal. (In March we go to a wedding in Oaxaca, Mexico, so it’s another tangible goal).

I’m calling this second attempt at weight loss Weight Loss 2.0 (an upgraded version of the first), and if by March I’m not there, I will honestly give up trying to lose and just accept my body as it is. I don’t see myself ever eating poorly or giving up exercise; I just mean I’ll really try to focus on acceptance then if things haven’t changed.

Funny, but this weekend I honestly didn’t think of food much. I didn’t forget to eat, but I didn’t wake and eat. I ate balanced, healthy meals. I didn’t obsess, and still got in great workouts. I enjoyed a day at the mall with my girlfriends Saturday and a day home and then out shopping with my husband on Sunday.

All in all, I’d consider this weekend — and it’s lack of obsession (just observation) a success. And a great jump-start for the weekend.

How about you? Do you have any upcoming goals, professional or personal, that you’d like to share?

17 thoughts on “Weight Loss 2.0

  1. I am exactly in the same boat as you right now in terms of weight loss. I weigh about 155 and want to get back down to 140 which is my happy weight. I completely understand the whole not feeling comfortable thing. So my goal is also to get back to my happy weight.

  2. I think thats a HUGE step Melissa!! WOW! I understand being stuck, trust me… 2+ years at the same “stuck” weight about 45 lbs from goal. I hope its this easy to maintain once I’m down at goal!

  3. Thanks ladies. Sadly, maintaining is a lot harder than losing. That’s why I haven’t kept off all the weight.

  4. I’m in the same boat! I’m about 5-10 lbs above where I’d ideally like to be. Maintaining IS a lot harder than losing, and it’s so easy to go easy and pack on a few extra lbs without really noticing. I just got back from vacation and noticed my jeans are a little snug, and with the holidays right around the corner, I’m a bit worried about all the food as well.

    Like you, it’s hard not to obsess about a number. But I like your goal of trying to lose a little of the added pounds, and if your body doesn’t get rid of them after some effort, then maybe it’s time to realize that’s where your body wants to be and learn to accept it. It sounds like a healthy mindset to be in and I hope to follow your example without getting caught up in the numbers.

  5. Thanks, Kristen! I actually WI this morning (after three amazingly OP, healthy fit days) and because it was so much earlier and not post-gym, it looks like I am closer to almost **11** pounds from my 145 now!! I almost cried at the number, because I haven’t seen it in 4.5 years … but I am going to use it for momentum going forward. I did it then and can do it again.

    Thank you, I hope I can keep up this healthy mindset. I actually had it when losing in the first place — it was the aftermath when it got dicey.

  6. I’ll be right there for you EITHER WAY!

    Personally, I would love to see the 120’s again. I’m so very close but it’s like that carrot, so elusive.

    My guess? I’ll always be 5 pounds more than I want to be. But, I’m determined if I reach the 120’s to be “okay” with that.

    Good luck – you’re a beautiful woman regardless!

  7. Aw thanks, Staci. So funny, you want 120s and I want 140s. It’s not easy now that we’re older, that’s for sure. I think you’re right, we always might be a couple pounds from that goal, and if that’s the case, so be it.

    Thank you — and so are you!!! 🙂

  8. I like your approach, too….like usual with me, if I don’t do something all out right away, I get discouraged and often give up. I think I’m going to follow your lead and try a similar approach. It’s so overwhelming (to me) to think about losing X amount of weight by X date….I like the idea of “breaking it up” to see how your body responds!

  9. Thanks, Holly. Yes — totally breaking it into palatable pieces 🙂 Hope it works for you, too! Especially now that I seem to be a lot further from my goal (thanks to the time I WI today and that it was without the gym!)

  10. That is a big step Melissa to set a weight loss goal but know that if you don’t reach it it’s not the end of the world. This weekend I went shopping, not to buy but just to try on. I just need to lose another inch or so to comofortably be a size 2/4 instead of a size 4/6. And instead of being really happy that I could fit into size 2 for most brands (Express, not AE), I focused on that I need to lose a little more to fit comfortably. Then my jeans that have been big on me, i finally washed this weekend at the laundry mat and they are snug, but teh looking good snug — so maybe my size 4s work and I just don’t do laundry enough, lol.

    Anyways I am making some progress. For instance, this morning I skipped my morning workout and worked out during lunch and will again after work. So instead of the planned 2 hour 20 minute workout because my weight went up 0.8 lbs, I will get 1 hour 20 minutes and I am okay with that. Also on Sunday when I shopped I didn’t workout at all. I worked everyday last week so I took one day off. I was ticked the next day though to find I had gained the 0.8 lbs, but I am not purging over it.

    I also started a blog of my own. I am keeping it fairly private, just letting it give me a way to vent currently. And letting my family and boyfriend and best friend read it to keep up with my issues if they want. But I am hoping that helps in giving me an escape. Right now my goal is to not get too worked up and worried over thanksgiving. I am going out to eat so will have a set meal, and then walking around DC. So hopefully it won’t be too bad and I can walk off some of the calories.

  11. Hi Sheena, I am glad to hear you’re not purging but my question to you is, why do you need to do 1 hour and 20 of exercise at all? I hope you don’t feel like you HAVE to do that much exercise; two sessions in a day is def. over-exercising. (trust me, it takes one to know it 😉

    And if you stayed a size 4 (an incredibly tiny size!) what would be the harm in that? They look good!!

    Good for you starting a blog — I hope it helps! Enjoy dinner out in DC. I soooooo miss “my city”

  12. Well considering my height size 4 really isn’t tiny. Not like if someone 5’8″ were to wear a size 4.

    Also, do you really think 1 hour 20 minutes is over exercising? I try to do between 1 hour and 2 hours 6 days a week. Not sure if I will get that done this week with my dad in town — hoping to get at least 5 days in which I think is possible since already have three under my belt. But this morning i did 1 hour 25 minutes and plan to do some biking at lunch — moreso because whynot. I don’t feel teh need to vigorously bike, but bike and read my book because I have access to a gym so why not burn some calories instead of just sitting still and reading. I don’t always have a free lunch hour to do this (like tomorrow I won’t) but when I do it seems like a logical option. And that will put me over 2 hours of exercise today.

  13. I didn’t realize how tall you were; sorry!

    Personally, I think two gym sessions a day to make 1 hr 20 is, but that’s just my opinion — Im not a doctor. Only you can know if it’s over-exercising. And if you’re biking, I can see what you mean … why not do it … but I guess I’m at the point (personally) where I don’t want to spend all my free time at the gym, so it seems to me like it’s “too much” but the truth is, only you can be the judge of that. If you were running or doing hard cardio twice a day, maybe that would be over-exercising but I agree, biking is light/moderate (fun!) so that makes sense to me. Just be careful you don’t miss out on social things because of your desire to make a time goal.

  14. Yup, I am a shorty. I usually do about 1 hour to an hour-and-a-half of elliptical and running, and then anything over that is biking. And I only run maximum of an hour.

    Also, my office is freezing, so it’s nice sometimes to bike and warm up my body midday 😀

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