“You need to learn to accept deprivation with grace,” Dr. G. advised me last night.
“You’ll need to change your mindset about how you’re viewing their visit… and it won’t be easy.”
(In case you haven’t figured out by now, Thursday generally = therapy).
We were talking about my anxiety levels with my in-laws being here, and how it no doubt puts a strain on my relationship with my husband, as well as how I feel about myself and my quasi-“hateful” reactions at times.
She said no doubt I am deprived right now (she said she would be too!): my whole house has been “invaded,” foreign objects and foods and “things” are everywhere, depriving me of my sense of “order”.
There’s a language challenge (despite me speaking Spanish and my mother-in-law speaking English, neither of us are completely fluent anymore) which means my communication abilities are deprived.
I am not my husband’s only concern and it’s not easy to find alone time which makes me feel deprived in that department (despite his attempts at being shmoopy!).
My space isn’t “mine,” which means I’m deprived of my sanctuary … I could go on, but I won’t.
She wasn’t saying to ignore those feelings; they’re legitimate. But as she said, more negative energy doesn’t help solve anything–only makes it harder to grapple with.
Rather, I need to accept this state of being we’re in (in the here and now) with grace, dignity, and pride. This means putting some of my own “issues” with them aside in favor of a more pleasant experience with my husband’s family–challenges and all.
We’re six full days into this five-week journey; today marks day seven. Next weekend we’ll meet my parents in Niagara, which will be a little over 1/3 of the way into it. That will be a rejuvenating experience, I hope.
If I can change my mantra, my mindset–from agony and anxiety to acceptance … I’ll be a much happier person. So I’ve adapted Senator Obama’s line, “Yes we can!” as my own.
Yes we can get through this, my husband and I, together.
Yes we can make this an enjoyable experience.
And yes we can come out of this stronger–together, and as individuals.
It’s the weekend, and my goal is to just try to relax and have fun. I might as well–if Jason taught me anything, it’s that we ought to live every day like it’s our last.
How about you? How do you handle “deprivation” of any sort?