We went to a local children’s shoe store that carries all different kinds of shoes. She has been wearing a pair of Robeez for months now (since she began pulling up and crawling, so around ten months) but I wanted something that was good and supportive and also cute and would easily coordinate with most things she owns (yes, that was part of my decision-making process. )

We tried a little pair of sneakers first, but though Luis liked them, I wasn’t 100% sold. Then we saw the shoes we ended up getting and I swear, it’s like these shoes are magic. It’s like they injected her with confidence or something — she’s sassy! Since we got them Wednesday night, she has been a walking MACHINE.

Let me just say, if you haven’t had the pleasure of watching a baby learn to walk and explore her world from a whole new perspective … it is ridiculously cute! And, if I’m being completely honest … bittersweet. She will “run” to my arms, but doesn’t want to always stay there. And this is just the beginning … oy vey …

Check out Maya testing out her magic shoes!

I love the group-think aspect of Facebook. A few weeks ago, Maya transitioned to cow’s milk and my pediatrician had recommended putting it in the sippy cup from Day One. Well, she threw a hissy fit and would.not.drink. Period.

So after much crying, we gave her a bottle, which she sucked down like there was no tomorrow.

:-/

I knew by our 15-mth appointment, we’d want to be able to honestly tell our ped, “Yes, we’re off the bottle and binky.” Because we KNOW he will ask.

She had done fine ditching Giraffe (her paci) cold turkey a month ago … but we knew the bottle was not going to be quite as simple.Whereas she always easily moved between bottle and breast from day one, she never seemed to care when we stopped nursing; it was me who was upset about it! But the bottle was a constant for her, and I knew it’d be a challenge and didn’t think going cold turkey would be fair to her.

I asked my Facebook friends tips for weaning their babies off the bottle. The responses were as varied as the parents, but a few tips really stood out.

1) Transition slowly, taking away one bottle and replacing it with a sippy.

2) Only offer the sippy at meals; save the bottle for bed-time and/or morning (i.e., comfort feedings).

3) Drink from a sippy yourself, so baby — who wants desperately to mimic you anyway — will want to do it, too.

We tried all of these and I am happy to say, she had her last bottle Monday night. Woot, woot!

This is how we did it (and I sure don’t claim to be an expert; this is just what worked for us).

First, we’d “drink” from sippies so she could see us doing it — best advice ever!

When we initially made the transition to cow’s milk, we did it cold turkey — out of necessity; we were done with the last pouch of formula! We gave her milk in her morning and evening bottles. We also gave her a bottle of  milk for daycare for a couple weeks, but encouraged them to keep giving her water in her sippy cup and offer her milk in the sippy, though she rarely took it.

Then for the next few weeks we gave them an “emergency” empty bottle to use if she refused milk in the sippy cup (they provide meals and milk). Most days she would only take 1-4 oz of milk from the sippy (ugh), but since she had 6-7 oz in both the morning and evening, I wasn’t too concerned — apparently 16-24 oz of milk is what they need at this age.

We’d always try offering the sippy in the morning and at night and she’d do OK at night … but in the morning, especially, she would fight us and so we gave in time and time again … until yesterday.

Yesterday was the turning point.

After turning beet red and throwing her sippy at Luis and I repeatedly and kicking her little legs and shaking her sweet little noggin “no”and wriggling herself from our arms … she finally caved and gave in to hunger. She drank the whole 6 oz cup! And at dinner, the same … and then this morning, we had a repeat hissy-fit … but, lo and behold, she drank the whole 6 oz cup! Go Maya!

Like with Giraffe, we’re going to hide the bottles so she can’t see them … out of sight, out of mind. And if we only offer the sippy, that’s all she will know to expect. It seems like tough love, but there are plenty of studies about how drinking from a bottle past the age of one can lead to obesity and teeth problems and a whole host of other things … so while I think she wasn’t ready to be done at exactly age one … I do think now was a great time to make the transition.

In the morning and at night, we try to still have her snuggle with us so we get ample cuddle time and so she doesn’t feel left out in the cold, bottle-less and snuggle-less — but it’s more for my own needs than probably even hers; I love our snuggle time! Sadly, though, I don’t know how long that will work — baby girl wants to MOVE! But for now, we’ll keep trying.

I must have told her about a million times this morning how proud I was of her and she looked pretty damn proud of herself, too! (She is clapping in the pic — sorry it’s so blurry!)

Anyway, I just wanted to say, the past two months have been huge for Maya: she cut her first teeth, began walking, ditched the binky and ditched the baba. She’s becoming such a big girl!!!

♫”Sunrise … sunset … sunrise … sunset … swiftly flow the years ….”♫

How about you? Was bottle-weaning hard for you? What sippy cups have worked best for your child?

Cozy up … this is a long one.

In spite of her warning, with an open mind, I read my friend Jodie’s recent blog post about being a stay at home mom, in which she writes,

“I have no idea what the @#@! we have done to ourselves in this country, but we’ve gotten to a point where we have kids, simply to say, “Great! Now who can I pay to take care of them so I can go back to work?” As if kids fit perfectly into our life pockets without making any sacrifices to the size and shape of the pocket.”

At first glance I was, as she cautioned some of her readers would be, a little pissed off. I’m a working mom who does, as she says, “pays someone else to take care of” my kid.

But then as I read it again, I felt sad — and then guilty … which made me feel even worse.

You see, for as much as I miss Maya during the day — and believe me, it’s more than I could ever express here — I work out of choice … not necessity.

Yes, you read that right.

Unlike my stay-at-home-mom before me, I choose to work … which means I, by default, “choose” to “let other people raise” my daughter.

And saying it out loud doesn’t sit well with me.

It makes me uncomfortable … makes me feel like I’m putting work above family — in spite of the fact that I feel like I have a pretty good situation, whereby I work four days a week at the office and work at home on Fridays at a (flexible) job I truly love and, M-Th, Maya is at a daycare for which  I can’t sing high enough praises!!!

I realize it might sound bad to others who would give anything to be home with their kids but truly have to work to make ends meet … but my husband makes a good living and if we had to survive on his income alone, with some changes in our lifestyle, we could do it. It wouldn’t be easy, but we could. The question is, do we want to? Or, perhaps most important, do I want to?

Because here’s the thing: for all I moan about missing Maya — and my friends know I moan a lot — I don’t really necessarily want to stop working now, either. Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind at any time … But for now, I’m [finally] content with how things are.

I don’t work exclusively for the money –and it’s definitely not to pay for designer clothes or fancy cars or to maintain a certain lifestyle or the commercial things Jodie mentions in her post (which might be true for some women); I work because, as I’ve come to realize the past month or so, … I enjoy it (most of the time).

Which begs the question … is that a crime? Is it a crime to want to work outside the home and be a mom? There are many days where, as much as I love my job, I want to throw in the towel and just be wholly home with Maya … but there is also a big part of me that enjoys the challenge of being a working-outside-the-house mom.

And, most important, I don’t feel like it takes away from my ability to mother Maya — in fact, I hope it just gives me a different perspective: I don’t necessarily have the quantity of time I’d like with her each day, so I focus on making the most of the time we do have. And I like to think I’m doing a good job. Do I want more time with her? Sure. But I have it pretty good at work, and don’t want to jeopardize things at the moment.

This whole “being content with being a working mom business” is a recent revelation — as in, the past month or so. I love waking my baby up and having morning snuggles with her, giving her her bottle (now sippy!) … but I also love wondering what the day will hold, what projects I’ll work on, what people I will come in contact with. I’m a social animal and thrive in community settings. I don’t know that I’d bode well being a SAHM unless I still worked part-time or had Maya enrolled in lots of activities where we could be social together.

That said, I don’t consider myself a career woman first; even on my Twitter account, “mom” is my first role. But I do identify with my career, too, and don’t want to ignore that calling, either right now.

(Of course, I should note: in my dream job, I’m a freelance writer who works from home and networks with other writers, getting the best of both worlds … but that’s not my reality at the moment).

Jodie’s honest post hit a raw nerve because I do sometimes question myself and wonder if I’m making a mistake working vs. being a SAHM; it’s the age-old mommy-war debate … one that has no right or wrong answer … only what works for you and your family — and is subject to change. I’m not wed to this situation; maybe in the future I’ll discuss a different work schedule with my boss, or maybe we’ll move and I won’t work, or maybe I will, who knows?!

And I can completely see how, to someone who doesn’t send their kids to daycare, it seems like we working moms (I hate that phrase: ALL moms work!) are shucking off our parental responsibilities so we can climb the corporate ladder … but it’s not always that simple. People are motivated by all different things … and it’s hard to generalize why women who don’t necessarily have to work, still choose to work. For me, it’s because I have a good work situation.

[With my family SO far away (and Luis's too -- every trip to see family requires a plane trip and time off), we have no built-in support network here (aside from friends, who are wonderful). But really, there's no one to help us out if one of us is working late or traveling; it's just us -- so having two flexible work environments is a huge benefit to our situation.]

To be honest, I don’t know if part of my desire to stay working has to do with my specific role at work and/or the amazing babyschool we chose for Maya or what  — but I really don’t feel like I’m “dumping” my kid somewhere. I feel good about where she is — and would probably feel differently if I didn’t.

It’s literally like a school — with an age-appropriate curriculum in each classroom, amazing teachers who dote on her like nobody’s business (and take pics and email me them “just because!”, keeping me connected to her), they teach baby sign, they have play mats and shapes like Gymboree — only better — so she gets plenty of exercise, and more toys and musical instruments I could ever own … plus 9-10 other little (snotty-nosed!) munchkins to play with (read as: transfer germs to and from)/socialize with. The sick-kid aspect aside …  there is a webcam I can watch whenever I want. I can feel connected to her and watch her thrive, in real-time. Sure, I might get insanely jealous when I see her in the arms of one of her teachers … but I know how much they love her, and that makes ME feel good.

And, at the end of the day, when she sees me at the door and comes barreling over (crawling, now walking), flapping her arms in delight as she collapses into my arms … there is simply no greater feeling. I’m her mama, and I’m her “home base,” to borrow a quote from an awesome post I read about mothers and sons. No one — not even her teachers — can replace that.

I might miss an art project or a new trick … and believe me, I feel bad about it. But I tell myself: It’s me who is there at 2 AM cuddling her back to sleep after her teeth break through. It’s me who is home with her snuggling her when she’s sick. It’s me who nursed her for nine months, giving her (literally) every single drop of milk I had. It’s me who wakes her up (or sees her smiling standing in her crib chatting) … and it’s me who tucks her in at night. I have to remember that when I have those moments of doubt–because believe me, there are many.

I used to strive for balance in my new role, but now I see it’s kind of futile, which is why this post from FitPregnancy really resonated as well, about how being a working mom requires integration — not balance. Because truly, there is no balance, as the book (and movie) I Don’t Know How She Does It, sadly prove …  you can’t be everything to everyone; at least, not at the same time.

I remember Bethenny Frankel discovering that when she had a meeting with Rachael Ray; Rachael doesn’t think balance can ever exist–yet we’re always striving for it as a society. Integration, however, is a more plausible approach. That’s how I see my Fridays working from home. I know it’s only one day of the week, but I’m able to get my work done AND be with Maya. We sit in the living room — her playroom — me on my laptop working, her playing with her toys, chatting together while I tap away. The beauty of this set-up is I can take play breaks with her — the same way I’d take a coffee break at work — and she spends 2-3 hours of my work-day napping, which surely helps for calls. And though one could argue I’m not completely present at home OR at work in this situation, I  work more expeditiously without typical office distractions — and I’m a few feet away from my little angel. I say that’s win-win.

I’ll be honest; I don’t know how long this situation will be acceptable — maybe my boss will say “no more” at some point (though I hope not!) or maybe I will decide, I don’t really want to work anymore — I want to focus on Maya — and just writing in my free time, or maybe I’ll ask for a more flexible work schedule … I’m completely open to those possibilities.

Right now, daycare is $10,500 a year. That’s a lot of money — and for just one child! When you add in a second, or a third, it certainly does become more of a financial decision – which is why I don’t want to say what I’ll do when there’s more than one child or even what I’ll feel in a few months with just Maya …

And many days, I DO struggle with this decision to work. But I also think there are probably some SAHMs, too, who sometimes question their decision to leave the workforce; maybe they have some hesitation, too? Maybe they miss the social aspect of work or the feeling of turning over a big project, while I miss out on the bits and pieces of Maya’s day.

My key takeaway (yes, there is one …) is when it comes to raising children, there is no “right” or “wrong” … only what works for you and your family, at this particular moment: subject to change.

I feel lucky to be in the situation I’m in — but I also don’t take it for granted, either. And my decision to work is not without its costs, believe me. I just have to believe that I’m doing the right thing for my family, just as Jodie is doing the right thing for hers.

So thank you, Jodie, for your post … it did hit a raw nerve, as you expected it might for some readers, but it also helped me come to terms with accepting my decision — for now, at least. Now if only I could let go of the guilty feelings …

How about you? If you are a working mom, do you sometimes question your decision? And if you’re a SAHM, do you sometimes question your decision? Does a mom ever find peace in her decision?

Although she’s been doing the intonation business for a while now, just recently she’s begun paying extra attention to our actions and has started mimicking them.

The first time I noticed was at home in NJ in December; she used the brush to “brush” her hair (read as — put the brush to her head and kind of smacked her head).

Then she began taking her bows out of her hair … but then would try to put them back on her head (though she can’t actually do it since they are clips).

A few weeks ago, Luis was cleaning some milk that had spilled. When he walked away, Maya took the rag and began imitating the motion he was doing with the rag — and did it again today (I also caught her brushing her hair this morning).

And tonight at dinner, she mimicked Luis’s best friend who had just wiped his mouth with a napkin — she took a napkin off the table and wiped her own little cherubic mouth.

We all had a good laugh at how cute she looked (and damn, I wish I’d had a video of it!) but were pretty amazed to see just how much she is absorbing about the world around her.

It’s incredible to see this little person shining through … and a good reminder to really be cognizant of all our behaviors — for better or for worse!

Big Brother might be watching … but so, too, is Baby Maya!

How about you? What were you most surprised to see your child imitating you doing?

This week, one of the most well-known female bloggers, Heather Armstrong of dooce.com fame, announced she and her husband Jon were in the midst of a trial separation.

I’d heard of her, but never really read her blog — until today. Her announcement post is absolutely gut-wrenching, to say the least — especially the part where she expresses a moment that suicide crossed her mind … and though doesn’t go into any details about why the couple is splitting, it’s obvious she is pained about the decision but knows it must be done.

I read the comments and they seemed  supportive — people were shocked, surprised, sad … as readers, they feel they  KNOW the blogger, they CONNECT to the blogger … this I totally expected; I have gotten similar support (on a different level and regarding a different challenge) here on my own blog.

What I was surprised by was the reaction from the peanut gallery in posts analyzing the couples’ demise, where some people seemed to feel offended and blind-sided, as though Heather “owed” them something (i.e., hints along the way that something was amiss, etc.) simply because she is a blogger who writes about her personal life and has, in the past, written about her relationship with her husband.

Here’s my take: while we hope bloggers chronicling their lives will be transparent and speak honestly, bloggers don’t “owe” their readers anything. If you read, it’s your choice–you don’t pay to read blogs. Bloggers write what they feel like sharing, and some parts of bloggers’ lives are (believe it or not) off-limits. This doesn’t mean they are necessarily being dishonest by omitting certain aspects of their lives … it just means that not everything is bloggable.

As a friend noted about Facebook recently, “people only share their highlights … not their lowlights. It’s selective sharing.” I don’t disagree; the same could certainly be said for the blogosphere. Ultimately, both spaces are only as authentic as we want them to be. And as bloggers, we choose what and how much we wish to divulge, recognizing (for better or for worse) that we are literally one search away from Google fame (i.e.,being ranked #1 , 2, 3 and 4, under Wikipedia’s link if you Google “disordered eater.”)

For example, I blogged about my disordered eating history as it was unfolding … but you won’t find me blogging about my relationship with my husband or my parents. I don’t blog about work and I don’t blog about my friends. I blog about many things … and might talk about other topics related to them, but certain realms of my life are off-limits. Not because those areas of my life are perfect — nothing truly is — but because that’s not my blog’s focus.

And to be honest, even if something WAS amiss in one of those areas, I don’t know I’d take to the blogosphere to share them, even if I did typically talk about them, out of respect to my husband/mom/etc. Does that make me inauthentic? No, I don’t think it does. I think it makes me human … and humans, by nature, selectively share. Sometimes with their significant others, sometimes with their best friends …

Maybe Heather used to feel comfortable sharing things and then realized it wasn’t in her (or her husband’s) best interest to continue doing so once things weren’t going well, and she couldn’t cope with it on her blog — completely understandable, in my opinion. Maybe she trusted in a friend, a confidante, a family member … but it’d be too much to share all her uncertainties with the blogosphere. Can you really blame her?

Because really, it’s none of our business, as readers, how much a writer shares — it’s his/her prerogative. I guess my message to the people who feel “blind-sided” by Heather’s announcement (or any blogger’s sudden life change) … you are entitled to feel however you do … but please do remember bloggers are people, too. You might feel they “owed” it to you to be honest all along … but the only person they need to be truly honest with is themselves. And maybe she was struggling with that very notion until now.

With respect to the couple at hand, I wish them the best and hope their marriage can be repaired — it sounds like there’s a glimmer of hope — but if it can’t, I don’t think anyone should fault Heather or make her feel worse for not sharing the nitty-gritty details along the way. It seems she had changed her focus away from family to more generic topics anyway the past few months, and hopefully she’ll continue to write for those who support her through thick and thin, without judgment.

OK, stepping off my soapbox now.

I leave you with this quote by Plato … “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

And on a totally upbeat note …  speaking of announcement posts … a super-happy one made its way to the blogosphere this weekend I’d like to say DOUBLE congrats to one of my favorite bloggers, Heather of Heather Eats Almond Butter, who is pregnant with TWINS! Summer is going to be the best big sister; congrats to you and CD Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy — we are all looking forward to hearing all about it!

[Sadly, even an upcoming Caribbean trip this spring isn't enough to get me to the gym regularly again and off the sweets. <<Sigh>> One of these days I'll get it together...]

Anyway, yesterday I had to catch myself when I saw Maya’s daily log at school.

You see, she is eating breakfast and lunch provided by daycare now and the choices I circled for her were things that were still soft or easy to mash with just two teeth. She has liked nearly everything they’ve served and it’s good because she is exploring new tastes and textures–which I’m all for.

Well, yesterday it said she had eaten tater-tot casserole (which, IMO, sounds gross), peas and pineapple for lunch … with a note that said “I had seconds!” with a smiley face from her teacher.

While most parents would be beaming, “My toddler had seconds!” I couldn’t help but think, “Did she need seconds?”

And then I had to  slap stop myself.

I needed a reality check: Seconds at one meal (or even several meals) is not going to predispose a growing baby Maya to a lifetime of obesity. It wasn’t seconds of candy or cookies or cake … it was seconds of her lunch! And furthermore,  babies have the most intuitive sense of eating there is — when they’re done, they’re done … be it after two bites or two dozen.

I realized I was letting my own issues interfere with how I reacted to something totally else. And it really got to me and I was pretty mad at myself for the thoughts afterwards. I mean, just because I can’t completely trust myself yet with food doesn’t mean Maya can’t be trusted. She knows herself best … though it’s a tough notion to wrap your head around. Babies have not been molded to think about food in any way other than “When I’m hungry, I eat.” (The counterpoint to “I’m hungry but my teeth hurt so I will throw a fit and NOT eat …”)

I guess I worry because though she measures on the petite side of the charts now, my husband and I both struggled with our weight a little as kids and I don’t want her to ever worry about it … but I also don’t want to give her a complex, either. Lord knows the media will do that anyway* …:(  (Please see video below).

Intuitive eating is a really hard concept for me to grasp and I’m not sure if my disordered background magnifies my concerns, but I was wondering how other parents have come to trust that their kids will tell them when they’re done. Any tips are welcome … because this is only the beginning and I want Maya to have a healthy relationship with food. I want her to know if she is hungry, she can have more  … without shame. Without judgment.

It’s something I’m going to need to work on for sure and I guess it’s a good thing I had the reality check now instead of when she is 13 … I just want her to be happy … and this means stepping back and letting her be, and not creating a problem out of nothing. If the doctor tells us he is concerned about her weight, we will talk. But til then … I need to just let her be, seconds and all.

How about you? As parents, has it been hard to genuinely let your kid tell you when they are full? How do you turn off the noise that screams to you about childhood obesity rates and not be caught up in the fear-mongering messaging?

**PLEASE check out this video … and help join the Miss Representation movement to end the media-driven exploitation of women — where women are seen as sex objects and nothing more, where their jeans size is more valuable than the size of their brains.

“The film explores how mainstream media contribute to the under-representation of women in influential positions in America and challenges the media’s limiting and often disparaging portrayals of women, which make it difficult for the average girl to see herself as powerful.”

When I got too old to be carried, envious of my younger (smaller) siblings, I’d pretend to be asleep just to keep our little ritual going. To this day, I don’t know if he knew I was pretending from about age seven on … but those are some of my favorite memories. To a child, there is truly nothing like the safety of your parents’ arms.

I was thinking about that tonight when I was rocking Maya to sleep, her little exhausted body rendered limp in my arms. Every parent knows that putting a sleeping baby in a crib can yield one of two results.

Scenario 1) Baby curls, eyes closed, into his/her comfortable position, snuggling deep into blankets, maybe sucking on his/her fingers or paci and remains that way (and Mommy grins with pride)

or

Scenario 2) The moment he/she touches the crib, his/her eyes open and he/she begins thrashing and/or crying — clearly in distress. This isn’t just “I want my mommy” separation anxiety business; this is the moro reflex at work, a sensation of falling. And even at this age, Maya can sense she is going into her crib even before we put her in there — her legs kick, she arches her back … it isn’t pretty.

You see, unlike newborns, who experience the moro reflex until they are typically 4-5 months, I’m pretty sure many of us can still experience a similar sensation of “falling” … and it’s not a nice feeling!

Tonight, the first time I put Maya in her crib, we experienced Scenario 2. The second time, minutes later, we experienced Scenario 1 — which is what made me think about how I loved that feeling of being gently placed in my bed and hope that Maya will someday remember that sensation, too … and maybe someday she, too, will talk about being tucked in – snug as a bug in a rug.

How about you? What is one of your earliest memories?

Happy New Year, albeit a few days late My sister came to visit us for an impromptu weekend over New Year’s Eve and then we went back to work Tuesday so I’ve been getting my groove back and trying to catch up in the blogosphere.

I’ve seen lots of great new year’s resolutions — including anti-resolutions (i.e., bloggers who refuse to make any) and I decided to share my singular resolution here.

BE GRATEFUL.

Looking at it, it sounds simple. “Be grateful.” DUH.

Yet I feel like in the whirlwind frenzy of the average day, I have so many things to be grateful for — things that go unnoticed … but shouldn’t. And I intend to change that in 2012.

Some are related to family: I have the two most amazing parents a girl could ask for, siblings I’d do anything for (and vice-versa), a truly selfless husband who literally moved across the world to be with me and loves me unconditionally, and a daughter that is the epitome of love, in truly every sense of the word. Oh, and a dog that couldn’t be sweeter … we just wish he wasn’t QUITE so big

Some are related to friends: I could not be more blessed in this department … from my childhood friends, to my high school friends, college friends in DC, to my friends here in Michigan … I have always known who my friends are, and they’ve proven themselves time and time again. (And to my best friend … I wouldn’t be who I am without you, A! I love you!)

Some are related to my body: I might not be in the best shape of my life, but my body is strong and delivered a beautiful baby girl a year ago. It can run, it can dance, it can skate, it can climb, it can swim. And thanks to my company’s wellness incentives, Weight Watchers and my gym membership are essentially free — both of which help make me healthier and hopefully will help lower my risk for diseases.

Some are related to financial stability: a great job at a company I love, a roof over my head, a car to get me from place to place, clothes on my body, a savings account, health insurance, the ability to travel and enjoy a little life (within reason). –> Unfortunately, I think I take these, in particular, for granted … and I most certainly should not. We all know, things can change in an instant …

Some are related to indulgences: my near-daily latte habit, my shopping fetish (especially for baby girl goodies!), my chocolate passion, my new-found love of Zumba, my blog (a place I can express myself freely and without reservation).

Typing this list out shows I have many, many things for which to be grateful … and served as a reminder that all too often, I lose sight of them and take them for granted.

Because let’s be honest … how much time do we spend wishing/wanting something more, instead of being grateful for what we have?

Being grateful, to me, also means being in the present moment … having a heightened awareness of self.

It means thinking twice about getting Maya that new tunic that is SO adorable, recognizing she has one in her closet already … and doesn’t need more clothes. It means thinking twice about admiring the body of that skinny girl in line at the checkout counter; for all I know, she could be working three jobs to support her family. It means thinking twice about comparing my husband to another husband; mine isn’t perfect but he’s pretty damn amazing! And it means thinking twice about envying my blogger friends who write for a living, recognizing I could do the same … if I had the courage (and means) to up and quit my job and focus solely on blogging.

Indeed, life is very much about opportunities … and opportunities don’t always come when we want or expect them to. And sometimes we need to create our own opportunities.

But while there is nothing wrong with striving for “more,”  sometimes, we need to be reminded to be grateful for what we have … in this EXACT moment.

No, it won’t always be perfect — sometimes the scales will tip in different directions. Maybe things in the work buckey won’t be as satisfying as things in the family bucket, but there’s always something for which to be grateful … even if it’s just the opportunity to live another day; see another sunrise.

At the very least, being grateful for what I have each and every day will make me a better person and, I believe, a more compassionate person.

If that’s what 2012 can do for me, well, it’s going to be a very good year.

How about you? Do you make resolutions? If so, what was your resolution?

Lately, I’ve realized that I have made a couple mommy mistakes — mostly to the tune of pushing Maya when she isn’t ready to be pushed.

Allow me to explain …

There’s a time and place for everything, to be sure. But I feel like recently I’ve rushed Maya when maybe she didn’t need to be rushed/doesn’t need to be rushed.

Maybe it’s just me, but the first year (and surely every year after; just going on my experience thus far as a mom) is chock-full of so many milestones we hope our children will attain: tracking, smiling, batting toys, sitting up, rolling over, eating solids, crawling, cruising, teeth, standing, walking, talking … you name it, and there’s an inherent rush to get to the next milestone.

Among mommy friends, it’s one of the most natural topics of discussion: “What’s Baby X up to these days?” It’s never meant to come off as a competitive question, but it’s an inevitable one — and moms want to know their kids are measuring up to their peers.

I’ve been 100% guilty of comparing Maya’s growth/development with other kids her age (why am I so worried?! She is FINE!) and following BabyCenter’s emails which talk about milestones … and while some completely make sense, not all have been on par with Maya.

For example, she didn’t crawl til 10 months, but she was babbling at 5 months. And she pulled to a stand — including bending down to pick toys up — even before she crawled. And though she is steady on her feet, she isn’t quite ready to walk. She only has two teeth … yet has been experimenting with table food (minimally at first) since she was 6, 7 months old. So we have been all over the board — and that’s totally fine; each child develops on their own timeline–I just need to remember this!

Naturally, we‘ve been encouraging her each step (ha!) of the way … and we have paid close attention to her course of development. We truly haven’t pushed her to anything she hasn’t been legitimately ready for … until the past week.

You see, at Maya’s one-year pediatrician visit, her ped recommended starting to get Maya off the paci and bottle now … And while he didn’t give a specific timeline (though he hoped to see her off bottles/paci by her 15 mth checkup) I took it to mean STAT. Luis took it to mean, “starting now …”, as in, easing in, not trying to do too much too soon.

So after the appointment we talked and while we knew the bottle wouldn’t happen overnight, we realized we might need to jump-start Operation Ditch Giraffe (her beloved — and only — pacifier — as seen in pics from early December) ASAP.

So literally the next night, Giraffe went to paci heaven.

I debated just cutting off the Soothie part of Giraffe and letting her have her cuddly little friend, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized going cold turkey in this case would be best (especially since she only has this one paci) — and we’d find her another friend to love. I also figured, because she can’t tell us what she wants, she can’t communicate that she wants/needs Giraffe, in particular.

So I stuffed him in a bag and we haven’t looked back.

Well, it’s been well over a week and she has done fine without him … during the day she doesn’t seem to miss him (she didn’t always have him on hand, anyway) — we make sure to have sippy cups available with water and chilled teething rings for her to suck on … but at nap-time and night-time, she definitely misses him — or I guess the ability to suck? So of course I worry if I took him away too soon … Because whereas she used to go to sleep without a bottle many nights — just clutching her little Giraffe– since ditching Giraffe, at nap-time and bed-time in particular she seems to need a bottle (now with cow’s milk — bye bye expensive Enfamil!) …

And we’re supposed to be ditching the bottles … but I don’t want to treat one injury and cause another.

As the pediatrician said, “Try to remember, cow’s milk goes in a sippy cup.” Easier said than done, doc!! We have tried several brands of sippy cups and though she seems to drink from the Nuby ones and the Take ‘n Toss ones (at daycare), she really gets excited to see her bottle — like flapping, squealing, babbling … she loves the comfort it brings. And she’s only 12 months old …

So we also started drinking from sippy cups–per a friend’s reco — and it has definitely helped … but she still won’t take a sippy cup in the AM for her first milk or last milk of the day. So we will keep trying ….

Ultimately, I needed to realize that weaning off the bottles does not mean “ditch all bottles NOW,” and the pediatrician didn’t say that. At babyschool, she is drinking milk at lunch in a sippy–so I tried that the past few days and she has taken a few sips … so long as she eats yogurts and cheese (and she does) and she gets 16 oz of milk a day — which might just initially be from her AM and PM bottles — so be it.

But we do need to slowly ditch the bottles … so we will keep working on it.

I also realized that there’s nothing wrong with rocking her to sleep still … I mean, sometimes she just goes to sleep — no bottle, no rocking (like tonight) … but I had to get it through my head that it doesn’t make it a “bad night” if I rock her to sleep with her milk — it only takes a few minutes, and she is happier for it. Why deny her (and us) that bonding time? Why was I so eager to have her just go in her crib and fall out like she used to? She still needs us … and I know she won’t want to snuggle us forever. She’s at that stage where separation anxiety is kicking in … and it makes sense her sleep patterns are changing … And once she is asleep, she’s out for a good twelve hours, so it’s not like she’s waking in the middle of the night for us or anything (unless she’s sick, in which case all “rules” go out the window)… so why was I worried?!

I guess the bottom line here is, she is still a baby–she just turned a year 11 days ago! And while part of me wants to keep her small forever, I know she will grow up — and there’s no need to rush her before she is ready.

Ditching Giraffe outright was probably a good decision … but I think I might have been expecting too much for her to all of a sudden make the switch to cow’s milk, and only have her drink it from sippy cups. For now, we’ll settle for Giraffe being gone and her drinking cow’s milk … from both beverage holders.

We’re just going to move ahead at Maya’s pace … taking what the ped says with a grain of salt and use it as a guide — not a Bible — and try not to push her when she doesn’t necessarily need to be pushed. There will be a time and place for that — encouragement is an important part of parenting, for sure. But right now … this is time to enjoy each stage … not blow through them.

I’m just sad it took me this long to realize it … And since I can’t look back … I will just look ahead. Onward, 2012!!

Edited to add: At babyschool today, a baby in the Infant Room (where the Wobblers go at 4 PM) has the same Giraffe and the teacher (who had been gone a few months but was back today and knew Maya had one) found Maya holding it and loving it before she was told by another teacher that that wasn’t Maya’s … Well, she had already had a tough day with teething pain, and when they took it away, she cried like all hell and was inconsolable for a few minutes til she got a sippy cup of water… which of course made me feel AWFUL knowing how much she loved her pal and apparently did, indeed, recognize him, specifically (as there are lots of pacis at daycare — most of the kids still use them). I know it is the right thing to do to be done with him, but knowing this did make me second-guess myself...I hate that! Why can’t I just trust my instincts?

How about you? Was there ever a time when you realized you were pushing your child when they didn’t need to be pushed … or, on the flip-side, where you wish you HAD pushed your child and didn’t? When did you child fully wean off the bottle and/or paci and how long did it take?